How often do you notice the unconscious processes shaping your everyday choices, habits, and reactions? What unconscious processes from your past might still be influencing how you behave today, even when they no longer serve you? Could becoming more aware of your unconscious processes help you make decisions that better reflect your current values?
This blog explores how much of daily life is guided by unconscious processes that automate decisions, conserve mental energy, and allow us to function efficiently. From learning to read to mastering complex skills, these unconscious processes free the conscious mind for creativity, problem-solving, and meaningful connection. The article highlights the incredible benefits of this internal autopilot while also examining the moments when unconscious patterns, assumptions, and emotional reactions outlive their usefulness.
The post goes on to show how outdated unconscious processes can create obstacles in relationships, work, and self-expression, often without us realizing why patterns repeat. By learning to pause, question, and test these unconscious responses, we can gradually update the “operating system” that runs beneath our awareness. Through reflection, mindfulness, and therapeutic tools, the piece emphasizes how bringing gentle awareness to unconscious processes empowers us to live with greater intention, flexibility, and authenticity.
How much of your life do you live on autopilot? It might sound like a negatively framed question, but it’s really not! There’s a part of you that helps you out every minute of every day, and if we can understand how it works, there’s a whole lot of changes we can make in our lives. We’re going to call it our “unconscious.”
As humans, we are faced with literally hundreds of decisions every single day. Even in pre-modern times, the burden of thinking about and consciously considering each of those decisions would have gotten in the way of actually living our lives.
But the human brain and consciousness are an absolute wonder. As our brains, communities, and the number of decisions required to function grew, we evolved. We evolved the ability to think deeply about a process and decide the first few times, learn how we wanted to address it, and master it. And then, in a solution that still stuns me with its elegance, we “offloaded” that whole process from the deep thinking (manualized) part of our brains (which requires a lot of energy to run) to an “automatic” part of our brains, which can handle hundreds of tasks without needing a lot of energy or effort.
We’re amazing.
That process is why much of our lives unfolds beneath the surface of our own awareness. While we tend to think of ourselves as conscious beings carefully weighing every decision, the reality is that a significant portion of our daily actions runs on this “autopilot” by our unconscious.
These unconscious processes guide us through countless moments without requiring deliberate thought. In fact, you’re doing it right now. You are reading this sentence without much conscious effort. That’s because, long ago, you mastered recognizing letters, sentence structures, and punctuation. That took effort and time. By comparison, imagine a child reading this paragraph. It would be slower and require effort and persistence. That was once you. Once a skill is learned, the unconscious mind steps in, seamlessly orchestrating behaviors that were once difficult and mechanical.
From Conscious Learning to Automatic Functioning
As the reading example above illustrates, every skill we develop begins with effort and conscious learning.
A child learning to tie their shoes must focus on every movement: looping the lace, holding tension in the knot, and remembering the sequence to complete their goal. A new driver painstakingly recalls rules while managing mirrors, signals, and pedals. In these early stages, conscious effort is the only way forward. And it’s hard! It demands attention and creates mental strain (and it’s the reason that children need more sleep than adults!). But with time, repetition, and reinforcement, the brain gradually transitions control to unconscious processes. What was once effortful becomes fluid, integrated, and automatic.
It’s probably not an exaggeration to say that this transformation into unconscious mastery is the foundation of human efficiency. Walking, writing, or even holding a conversation without stumbling over grammar is all possible because the unconscious has internalized the patterns. By delegating so much of our functioning to unconscious processes, the mind conserves the precious resources of energy and attention. As a direct consequence, conscious thought remains available for new learning, problem-solving, or creativity, while the unconscious maintains the background rhythm of life.
The Benefits of Unconscious Processing
The advantages of unconscious processes extend well beyond convenience. If we allow the unconscious to handle well-practiced routines, we can free up the conscious mind to focus on the things that bring joy and satisfaction. When I say joy and satisfaction in this context, I’m talking about the ability to be creative, to innovate in our work (pursuing a new project) and home lives (like creating a new game with our kids), engage in complex problem-solving, or navigate unfamiliar situations.
The efficiency of partitioning these different forms of labor ensures that we can engage in abstract thinking while still managing the basics of daily survival. Think of a highly skilled rock climber. They can improvise and problem-solve on their specific path to the summit with flexibility, only because the unconscious manages the intricate mechanics of hand placement and less complex interim movements.
Unconscious processes also bring remarkable speed and efficiency. Reaction times in driving, for instance, depend not on deliberation but on practiced, unconscious responses that protect us in fractions of a second. This is even more true when we think about emotional regulation. These can take the form of a quickened heart rate when startled, or the calming, slower breathing that follows when the threat center of the brain perceives that the threat has receded. Both reactions emerge from unconscious systems finely tuned to bodily safety. These invisible processes allow us to adapt to the world fluidly, often without being aware that adaptation is even occurring.
When Unconscious Patterns Outlive Their Usefulness
The fact that this process of “offloading” tasks to our personal autopilot is highly efficient doesn’t mean that it doesn’t occasionally misfire or have a glitch. The same unconscious processes that streamline our lives can also weigh us down when they no longer fit the circumstances.
That’s because patterns built for one environment often persist into another, even when they’re not fit for purpose. Imagine a child who learned to stay quiet at the dinner table because speaking up brought criticism or ridicule. The unconscious strategy that was learned there is that silence equates to safety and self-preservation. In that context and that setting, it is totally understandable that it would have been perceived as essential for surviving childhood. But now think of that child as an adult, seeking to build meaningful work relationships or personal connections. In those, silence equating to safety is unlikely to serve those goals. In fact, it is likely to actively inhibit them. In its efficiency, the unconscious doesn’t always discriminate between what once served us and what continues to serve us now. It simply repeats what it knows has worked in the past. That means that, like a child learning to read, conscious, deliberate effort is once more required to create a new skill. In this case, it will be to learn the uncomfortable skill of speaking up and engaging with others, even when there is fear of a difference of opinion, as is often the case in any healthy relationship or work setting. There are other ways to drive change, but we’ll get to that as we get into therapy.
Survival strategies, in particular, are stubborn. Many people unconsciously hide aspects of themselves, such as their emotions, preferences, or even talents, because at some point in their lives, drawing attention to these things brought them emotional pain. Trying new processes then might feel dangerous.
These outdated patterns also extend to assumptions about the world. A colleague may unconsciously believe that authority figures are inherently unsafe because early life experience taught them to expect punishment from those in power. Even if they’ve never had a punitive boss as an adult, their body and behavior carry that old map forward. The result can be hesitation, mistrust, or even self-sabotage.
Negative outcomes can follow for the person carrying these burdens. Their peers and managers may perceive them as withdrawn or not a team player. In personal relationships, the person with these protective behaviors can be seen as disengaged, cold, or unemotional. Without examination, these unconscious processes silently shape our lives long after the original context that created them has disappeared.
The Influence of Unconscious Assumptions
If unconscious patterns are like well-worn paths, then unconscious assumptions are the rules written on the walls of our inner world. We don’t always see them, but we act as if they are true. These unseen beliefs guide decision-making quietly, influencing choices from the trivial to the profound. For example, a person may unconsciously assume that asking for help is a sign of weakness. This issue is particularly prevalent in men when it comes to a high-consequence setting like seeking help for their mental health. That same underlying belief will shape whether they delegate at work, open up in friendships, or even see a doctor when unwell. The unconscious assumption isn’t announced or even perceived a lot of the time; it simply directs behavior as though no other possibility exists.
The integration of unconscious assumptions makes them powerful. They don’t feel like beliefs. Instead, they feel like reality. We identify with them. Think of someone you know who works incredibly punishing hours at work, sometimes to the detriment of their personal connections or hobbies. Now consider our cultural messages around success, where many of us grow up internalizing that worth is tied to productivity or income. Those messages internalized by certain people might unconsciously shape them to chase longer hours or higher salaries, even when their stated values emphasize balance and well-being. The unconscious processes at play ensure that old assumptions remain in charge, quietly nudging choices that contradict conscious intentions.
Unconscious biases add another layer of influence. A hiring manager may truly believe they value diversity, yet their unconscious processes may favor candidates who look, speak, or act like themselves. These unseen biases emerge not from malice but from accumulated assumptions about who is trustworthy, capable, or “a good fit.” In truth, most people don’t notice (and will never notice) how much of their decision-making is driven by rules they never consciously chose.
Unconscious assumptions can be compared to a computer’s operating system running in the background. You may not see it, but every application depends on it. Without deliberate reflection, those hidden rules remain unchallenged, guiding behavior and shaping outcomes in ways that may not align with who we want to be.
Bringing Awareness to the Unconscious
The first step in working with unconscious processes is simply recognizing when “autopilot” is steering in a direction that no longer serves us. Awareness often begins with discomfort: a repeated conflict in a relationship, a sense of exhaustion that doesn’t match the workload, or frustration at patterns that seem to replay despite our best efforts. These moments are flashing indicators that the unconscious is recycling strategies from the past into situations that demand something different.
Bringing awareness doesn’t mean abolishing our autopilot altogether. It’s more like reconfiguring it to be more useful for the life you now live. That process can be begun really simply, by pausing long enough to ask: Is this response useful here? That simple inquiry opens the door to updating the unconscious script.
Habits and assumptions, once surfaced, can be tested against present reality. A person who has always assumed they must never show vulnerability might experiment with small disclosures (a question, an admission of uncertainty) and observe the outcome. The environment today is often safer, more supportive, or more flexible than the one in which the unconscious rule was formed. By gradually testing and adjusting, unconscious processes begin to align with the present, rather than anchoring to the past.
Practices like journaling, mindfulness meditation, or therapy create space for this work. These tools are about renegotiating with our subconscious and the patterns that it carries around in its mission to protect us, then consciously deciding which processes to keep, which to retire, and which to retrain for current needs.
Key Messages
Here’s one of the most important messages to take away from this piece: unconscious processes are not enemies to be conquered. They have evolved for a reason, and they serve as the scaffolding of daily life.
They allow us to walk without stumbling, read without laboring over each letter, and drive while having a conversation. They grant efficiency and stability, freeing conscious awareness for creativity, problem-solving, and connection. But embedded in that very strength is the simple fact that once in a while, this automation can keep us bound to outdated rules, assumptions, and survival strategies that no longer serve us.
The challenge is to engage with these processes thoughtfully. By noticing when autopilot responses feel mismatched to the moment, by questioning whether old assumptions still serve us, and by gently testing new ways of being, we can evolve and refine the operating system of the mind.
Living with an updated autopilot means honoring both sides of human functioning: the unconscious, which carries us through the familiar, and the conscious, which steers us when the terrain changes. Together, they allow us not only to move efficiently but also to live intentionally to shape our decisions in ways that reflect who we are now, not just who we once needed to be.
In future posts, we’ll discuss different ways we can make unconscious change, especially with therapy. Freud thought the only paths were through dreams or free association. But we’ve learned a lot since then…
